Yolanda’s Light


Adult Bullying

Hello, I wanted to discuss the effects of being bullied at work. Often people have the idea that “bullying” is something which only occurs amongst some children until eventually they grow out of this behaviour. But – unfortunately – this isn’t always true. Adults can be just as capable of employing bullying tactics as any young child or teenager. If you suspect either yourself or anyone else you know is on the receiving end of bullying from an adult, here are some suggestions on how to respond to them.

1. Remember that this is not your fault. If you’ve been on the receiving end of bullying treatment from an adult for some time it’s possible that you will be blaming yourself for how this person has reacted to you. However this is not true. Everyone is responsible for how they choose to treat others. This can be a lot easier said than done. Particularly if the bully has aroused strong feelings of anger in you. However, a reaction such as this will only prove to the bully that he/she has succeeded in getting to you – which is what they want. Bullies feed off negative emotions, because deep down in some way they feel inferior/insecure about themselves and it’s only by making others feel bad that they can raise their self esteem. Reacting to a bully in this kind of way is likely to only further encourage and possibly worsen their unwanted behaviour towards you. The adult bully is a coward.

2. See if killing them with kindness helps. This doesn’t always work. But in circumstances when you’ve not long known the bully (such as if for example you’ve just been introduced to them at work) it can. Often what inspires a bully to be nasty towards others is an assumption that their target is a threat towards them in some way, as well as an experience of a lack of kindness from others throughout their lives. By demonstrating that you don’t intend harm towards them and are willing to be friendly, this can encourage more positive responses from them. This might be anything from a friendly good morning ‘hello’ to an offer of help with something. However, if after trying this 2-3 times they still continue with their behaviour cease this approach. This won’t work on every bully, and being nice to them every time they choose to bully you is likely to send the message you are rewarding their behaviour/find it acceptable.

3. If all else fails, consider enlisting somebody’s help. This might be a trusted colleague or supervisor (if it’s a work bullying situation) or a family relative or friend (if it’s a family bullying situation. Speaking to your doctor is also an option, if you feel the situation is heavily impacting upon your physical and/or mental health.

Create Beauty In Your Life

Nature is not the only way you can find and appreciate beauty. I find it helpful as I am on my inner journey with God that I make my personal environment as uplifting as possible. This does not require money. It means getting rid of a pile of clutter or a profusion of objects, each if which has lost its importance because it has become one of the crowd. A single vase on a shelf have more value and significance to your life than when it’s surrounded by a lot of other objects that detract from its singular beauty. It can even mean creating beautiful empty spaces. Take a closer look at the things you are surrounded with, both at home and in your workplace. Take whatever steps are necessary to make places you spend your time in as positive, peaceful, inspiring, beautiful and liberating for your spirit as possible.

Yolanda Miller -Counselor